I remember an old Facebook status that I posted during finals last spring
“Katelyn Horgan can’t wait for a summer filled with science, cooking and golf”
Or something like that.
Let’s reflect on this, shall we?
Well, my summer was not filled with golf, unfortunately. The golf program at Judson was cut for next year due to budget. I’m super bummed that I no longer will be able to play under my dad as the coach. I was really looking forward to competing again. During May I practiced and played quite a bit and I realized how much I missed and enjoyed golf. I was pumped for my final golf season. But, since the program was cut and I had no one to play with I wasn’t able to get out to the course and didn’t feel the need to try to find a driving range (there aren’t that many nearby). Some mornings, as I’m walked into lab, I could smell the fresh cut grass, hear the birds and wanted nothing more than to be on the course with my dad. I’ve missed that a lot this summer.
Cooking- yes, my summer was filled with cooking. I’ve delighted in cooking for myself, hardly ever making the same meal twice. There are several benefits to cooking dinner for yourself: (1) It doesn’t have to look as beautiful as all the images on Pinterest. (2) I can taste using the mixing spoon (3) I can add whatever ingredients I like, in whatever amount (4) If it turns out lower than my unreasonably high standards, there’s no harm. Yes, I’ve enjoyed cooking for myself all summer.
I’ve missed cooking for family though. I love making full meals, big or small, for my family . It’s one of my favorite ways to show my love for them and to serve them. I love planning menus, finding recipes and working in the kitchen making something that I know others will enjoy. Cooking for myself satisfies my hunger. Cooking for other satisfies my souls.
Science: Yes, there has been lots of science. Hours and hours and hours of science. And it’s been great, for the most part. I’ve been introduced to the world of research beyond just working at my bench. There is so much more that I’ve learned than laboratory skills. I’ve gotten a taste of the perseverance needed to be a scientist, been introduced to the dynamic scientific community, and seen the scientific method at work. I’ve learned so much about how the world of science functions. It’s far more than just scientists working at their lab benches with beakers and pipettes. This summer has given me an entirely new perspective on the scientific world, and I’m still trying to figure out how I fit in.
In retrospect, my Facebook status should have looked more like this:
Katelyn Horgan is going to have a summer filled with heat, experiments and a whole lot of self-reflection.
It’s been hot. You all know that. I don’t like it. Let’s bring on autumn.
I’ve had my share of experiments in the lab and the kitchen but also of life in general. I tried out a new church, new environments, new interactions, new rhythms of life. I’ve been able to try out “life on my own” without the support of family, friends, or the structure of school. I began figuring out my priorities, values and views. Being thrust into a new situation always challenges your previous mindset. That definitely happened here, and it took some experimenting before I settled in. (Maybe I’m not articulating this well, but perhaps you understand)
That brings me to the “whole lot of self-reflection.” I wasn’t expected to be as challenged as I was while here. I was planning to come here and have all my plans and desires confirmed. Well, God doesn’t work like that, does He? No, instead I found myself constantly questioning what I’m supposed to do when I graduate. I had a plan- grad school, PhD, save the world. However, now I’m starting to question if I’m prepared for that right now or if I should experience more of the world before I enter into 6 years of school. If there is more to learn than just science. If God is calling me somewhere else, away from my comfortable plans that I’ve had for so long. I’ve stared at websites for Teach for America, Peace Corps Master’s programs, and numerous other links that led me no where. I’m still struggling, and part of me questions what part of this struggle is God and what part of it is just my fear. I don’t know, but I do know that God will lead me to where I’m supposed to be. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m in a 1/5 life crisis, I just have to sort it out and see where God leads me. He’ll open a door, I just have to find it and walk through.
Oh, and MICHELLE AND EMILY ARE HERE!
