Resume Builder

The calming sounds of rain, thunder and the Volkman fountain play through my open window accompanying my soft, folk music. It's soothing and delightful. It was in this time of rest this evening that I decided to read my Bible only to find even more peace within God's words.

Hebrews 13:21

May He equip you with all you need for doing his will.

May he produce in you through the power of Jesus Christ.

Filling out graduate school applications or attempting to create a resume has a tendency to make me feel completely inadequate. Knowing that my application will be read with exceptionally critical eyes alongside other applicants who are also trying to put their best foot forward, is the definition of terror. My confidence is continually downgraded with each "Achievement" Box unfilled, each resume component unfulfilled, each lackluster personal statement. 

Maybe I'm being overdramatic. However, I often get the feeling that my application will never be finished. It could always have more. I could always be better equipped.

That's not true. Though graduate committees may find flaws within my application, God doesn't. He's built my resume exactly how he wants it, exactly how it needs to be to fulfill his will. He has provided me with the experience and education I need. He has crafted me to who I need to be, beyond what can be written on a piece of paper or filled in an application box. 

I wish I could put that on my resume. Right under "Work Experience" it could say "Crafted by God, So I know I'm ready to work for him, so I'm ready to work for you!" 

I guess I also have to remember that he is equipping me to do his will, which may not necessarily be my will. Or the graduate committee's. I find this terrifying, yet comforting. Even though I don't know what my work may be, I know that I am completely prepared to do it, and I will be able to rely on God's strength when I still feel inadequate. 

A Facebook Status in Retrospect.

I remember an old Facebook status that I posted during finals last spring

“Katelyn Horgan can’t wait for a summer filled with science, cooking and golf”

Or something like that.

Let’s reflect on this, shall we?

Well, my summer was not filled with golf, unfortunately. The golf program at Judson was cut for next year due to budget. I’m super bummed that I no longer will be able to play under my dad as the coach. I was really looking forward to competing again. During May I practiced and played quite a bit and I realized how much I missed and enjoyed golf. I was pumped for my final golf season. But, since the program was cut and I had no one to play with I wasn’t able to get out to the course and didn’t feel the need to try to find a driving range (there aren’t that many nearby). Some mornings, as I’m walked into lab, I could smell the fresh cut grass, hear the birds and wanted nothing more than to be on the course with my dad. I’ve missed that a lot this summer.

Cooking- yes, my summer was filled with cooking.  I’ve delighted in cooking for myself, hardly ever making the same meal twice. There are several benefits to cooking dinner for yourself: (1) It doesn’t have to look as beautiful as all the images on Pinterest. (2) I can taste using the mixing spoon (3) I can add whatever ingredients I like, in whatever amount (4) If it turns out lower than my unreasonably high standards, there’s no harm. Yes, I’ve enjoyed cooking for myself all summer. 

I’ve missed cooking for family though. I love making full meals, big or small, for my family . It’s one of my favorite ways to show my love for them and to serve them. I love planning menus, finding recipes and working in the kitchen making something that I know others will enjoy.  Cooking for myself satisfies my hunger. Cooking for other satisfies my souls. 

Science: Yes, there has been lots of science. Hours and hours and hours of science. And it’s been great, for the most part. I’ve been introduced to the world of research beyond just working at my bench. There is so much more that I’ve learned than laboratory skills. I’ve gotten a taste of the perseverance needed to be a scientist, been introduced to the dynamic scientific community, and seen the scientific method at work. I’ve learned so much about how the world of science functions. It’s far more than just scientists working at their lab benches with beakers and pipettes. This summer has given me an entirely new perspective on the scientific world, and I’m still trying to figure out how I fit in.

In retrospect, my Facebook status should have looked more like this:

Katelyn Horgan is going to have a summer filled with heat, experiments and a whole lot of self-reflection.

It’s been hot. You all know that. I don’t like it. Let’s bring on autumn.

I’ve had my share of experiments in the lab and the kitchen but also of life in general. I tried out a new church, new environments, new interactions, new rhythms of life. I’ve been able to try out “life on my own” without the support of family, friends, or the structure of school. I began figuring out my priorities, values and views. Being thrust into a new situation always challenges your previous mindset. That definitely happened here, and it took some experimenting before I settled in. (Maybe I’m not articulating this well, but perhaps you understand)

That brings me to the “whole lot of self-reflection.” I wasn’t expected to be as challenged as I was while here. I was planning to come here and have all my plans and desires confirmed. Well, God doesn’t work like that, does He? No, instead I found myself constantly questioning what I’m supposed to do when I graduate. I had a plan- grad school, PhD, save the world. However, now I’m starting to question if I’m prepared for that right now or if I should experience more of the world before I enter into 6 years of school. If there is more to learn than just science. If God is calling me somewhere else, away from my comfortable plans that I’ve had for so long. I’ve stared at websites for Teach for America, Peace Corps Master’s programs, and numerous other links that led me no where. I’m still struggling, and part of me questions what part of this struggle is God and what part of it is just my fear. I don’t know, but I do know that God will lead me to where I’m supposed to be. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m in a 1/5 life crisis, I just have to sort it out and see where God leads me.  He’ll open a door, I just have to find it and walk through.

Oh, and MICHELLE AND EMILY ARE HERE!

A thought.

This Wednesday we had the founding president of the Danforth Center come and talk during our intern meeting. I could go on and on about what he's done and what he's doing now. Let's just say he's a big deal and had done a lot of good, through science and beyond.

At one point, he said something rather compelling.

"It's amazing how long we've assumed food"

Think about it.

Especially as Americans, we assume that there will always be food at the grocery store, in our pantries, served at our school cafeteria. In fact, we demand it. Not only do we demand food, but we demand high quality, safe, nutritious and tasty food.  I think this often causes us to assume that the world will have enough food forever - and then we cast this perspective on the rest of the world, much of which is struggling just to harvest enough for their family.

It's dangerous to think that food will always be there. Take this summer for instance- we've had drought. Who knows how that will effect the fall's harvest and how that, in turn, will effect our food supply. Do I think there will be famine across America? No. But there could still be some adverse side effects that we are completely unaware of now.

I think it is important to remember that we live in an incredibly blessed society.  I have the privilege to walk to Trader Joe's to pick of bananas for the morning or go to my sink to fill my water bottle with potable water. We have the ability to assume food, but we must remember the portion of the world who cannot. And we must work towards continual improvement so that, one day, maybe the entire world can assume food.

Higher than our Protest Lines and Dollar Signs.

Yesterday the interns went on a tour of the Monsanto world headquarters here in Creve Coeur. Going into the tour, I wasn't sure what to think because I didn't feel well versed enough in the controversy and scandal that surrounds Monsanto. All I know is that I have heard locals deem it "The Most Evil Corporation" and that they own a lot of land around here.  Before the tour, I did some quick reading on the issues but was more just interested to see what they do first hand -- or at least what they would show us.


It was fascinating to see some of the technologies they have developed to improve crops, improve the process of improving crops, and, well, to improve their profit. And while I still am not an expert by any means, I feel like I can make a better verdict on where I stand on this issue.


I'm not against the science Monsanto is doing. I believe that GMOs are a viable way to improve crop yield, nutrition and health. There are layers of regulations that these crops have to go through before they reach the market, and I feel that they are suffecient. They have designed ways to protect agains spread to of resistance and plans of actions incase tragedy strikes. (Which they've never had to use). The Danforth Center is pursuing GMOs as well- but it's their motive that's different. It's Monsanto's motive that makes me a little uncomfortable.


Monsanto is involved in two fields: Science and Agriculture. Both of these fields are intensely collaborative. Both these fields are also essential to humanity, agriculture as our food science as a way to understand and improve this life source. How, then, can one company remain so isolated and profit driven? They say their goal is to increase yields and feed the world... but only for their benefit? For their profit? They have developed incredible technology - but refuse to let others use them. How much faster could we solve world hunger if they would share?


Maybe it's just the way I'm wired because of my faith, my upraising, my beliefs. I believe that feeding the world should be a united effort, not focused on making a profit, but on saving lives and bringing peace. 


I understand that this is how the business world, capitalism if you wish, works; everyone is out for their own benefit. I just wish more people would see how much greater collaboration is than competition. How much more could be accomplished if we were allies rather than enemies. This world is full of problems, but I think the greatest problem is selfishness. If people constantly only work for their profit, how will we ever help those who cannot work for themselves?


On my morning run I was listening to Hillsong and the song "Solution" came on. This song has always been an anthem of mine but today I was struck by one lyric in particular:

Higher than our protest lines and dollar signs-

Your love is all we need

This is what I yearn to see in this world. People putting down their angry posters and megaphones, putting aside the need for profits and status and working together towards God's kingdom. This is what I have dedicated my life to, this is the world I will try to create. May God be the solution, but may I be his servant.  

Abandoning the Protocol

Science and cooking have so many parallels - maybe that's why I like both so much. Other than the fact that cooking produces something delicious and what I make in lab... well it's not often something you want to consume.

Throughout school our labs consist of following protocol and hopefully getting the anticipated results. Once in a while we'll stray from this model, but most of the time it's always following the lab report. 

It's just like following a recipe. Add this, mix that, and create exactly what you wanted. This is how I started cooking and how most people cook.  I always thought that following a recipe was rather straightforward and you should always get something tasty. Heck, it wast just like doing a lab.

In the lab now, however, we have no recipe. We have a goal, we have an idea and we have an arsenal of techniques to try to create something new. In particular, I'm trying to create gene. We're using basic skills and ideas to try to accomplish something new. There is no direct protocol to follow, no one's done this before. 

In the kitchen, I'm starting to do the same thing. I have my tactics and ingredients and I can use these to make something completely new, without a recipe. I'm having tons of fun.

Even though my lab work isn't quite cooperating yet, my experiments in the kitchen are delicious.

Tonight I made a balsamic, tomato, spinach chicken. Here's a mediocre photo:

I took a chicken breast and seasoned it with salt, pepper, garlic powder & italian seasoning. Then I marinated the spinach and tomatoes in balsamic vinegar, olive oil and the same spices. I baked the chicken for a bit then added the topping. The last few minutes of baking I added a bit of mozzarella cheese and let it melt. Yum.

I wish my results in the lab were as successful as the kitchen. I guess it's easier to use natures products  than to try to force nature to do what we want. It's also much more palatable. 

Experimenting in the lab is making me a better scientist.

Experimenting in the kitchen is making me a better cook.

I guess life is better when you forget about the protocol.

-K

Finally. A post about plants! 


On Thursday we went to the Missouri Botanical Garden. We were given a tour of their herbarium (which, if you don't know is a collection of dried plant specimens). They have millions of plant specimens from around the world preserved there, including some from the 1800s (The one in this picture is one of those). Scientists use these plant specimens to work on taxonomy, species classification, phylogeny and such. I was in awe that some of the specimens are so old and so delicately preserved that we can still refer to them. It is also a testimony to the great diversity of plants. Even though they have millions of samples it is only a small fraction of the total flora that currently grow on the planet and an even smaller fraction of all the plants that have ever grown.  We also got to see their rare botanical books. Books from the 1400s on agriculture, plants and such. They even have a first edition of Darwin's "On the Origin of Species" and a first edition of "Micrographia" (which has some of the first drawings of images seen through a microscope which I think is really cool).


Enough with the boring science stuff. Onto the pretty plants.


 I can't tell you the names or species of most of the plants that I saw but I can tell you that they were stunning.  I ranted on an on before about how the zoo shows God's creativity. I think plants show God's appreciation of beauty, his ingenious artistry.


 The array of colors was marvelous- a whole spectrum of pink just in the rose garden alone.

Some flowers hung, others crawled, some sprawled while others climbed. 

Scents as sweet as starfruit, bold as basil, light as lavender. 

And then there were quirky plants like these "living rocks"

I think there's a reason Eden was a garden. It really would be paradise. I'm a little peeved at Adam and Eve for getting humanity kicked out of it. But, if I were Adam and Eve, I would have run to the banana tree to make my wardrobe. I mean really, look a the size of those leaves.

It was tremendously refreshing to escape the urban environment for a stroll through nature. Sometimes I forget how enlivening nature is until I'm once again embraced in is peacefulness. 

-K

The Zoo: God's Art Gallery?

Yesterday, we went to Forest Park and explored the Art Museum, Zoo and then went to the Shakespeare festival. It was a full, fun, sun-filled day. I finally got to see more of St. Louis than just the one road from my apartment to the lab.

The zoo was absolutely delightful.  While at the art museum we were able to see beautiful art created by human hands, at the zoo we were able to see God's artistry in the form of his creation.

Whenever I really observe nature I cannot help but chuckle at the goofy creativity of God. I say that his creations are goofy because you cannot help but smile when you see tortoises that look like boulders and don't move much faster, and frogs that are so neon they belong in the 80s, and birds wearing such ornate feathers on their head they could've gotten into the royal wedding. At least, I can't.

God must take so much delight in his creation. Everything that he has formed has a purpose, a story and a unique design. He created it for his glory and when I see how brilliant his artistry is, I cannot help but return the glory to him.

Perhaps God's creativity can translate into our lives.  If our God could imagine around 10,000 species of birds, what unimaginable plans could he have for our lives? This, of course, leads me to Ephesians 3:20

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us"

Just as I do not have the ability to envision 28,000 different species of fish, I cannot comprehend all that God can do in my life. It's comforting to know that a God who is genius enough to create our world is in charge of the chaos that seems to be my life.  Even though I have no idea what God may be doing through me and I've run out of inspiration, his spirit is at work and he is dreaming up all sorts of incredible plans for me.  I just need to follow his leadings and trust in the power of the Holy Spirit working in my life. The same power that catalyzed creation dwells within me, and I can trust that it will not lead me astray.

Avoiding The Cereal

I love to cook. Love love love it. But there is something about a stressful, slightly disappointing, overwhelming day in the lab that makes pots and pans look like the devil's instruments. 

Yesterday, I had lofty ideas of what I was going to make for dinner. It involved couscous, spinach, tomatoes, chicken. mmm. It was going to be delicious. 

After a day full of PCR, gels, gels and more gels all I could think about was my box of Dierberg's brand Cheerios. One bowl, one spoon, instant gratification. And some whole grains to boot.

No. I would not let myself succumb to the cereal for dinner habit. At least not this early into my adventure. I always reprimand my siblings for having cereal for dinner when "it's not that hard to just making something." 

I still stuck to the one-bowl meal - tuna salad. Probably a little bit more satisfying to body and soul than a bowl of plain Cheerios. It was quite delightful, actually. I threw together some good ol' canned tuna, a dollop of greek yogurt, a few sliced grapes, tomatoes, chopped spinach and celery. Add some pepper and spices, grab some pita chips and you're good to go.  Nothing too strenuous, but still pleased my tummy far more than a bowl of cereal. 

Now- cereal is still one of my favorite things...don't think I'm knocking it. But there was something soothing about preparing and enjoying an actual meal, simple though it was.  Good food can always ward of the long day blues.

Heck, it even gave me the desire to go work out...Nothing like a few endorphins to ward off a strenuous day of work. 

I beat the 'cereal for dinner' siren song.... this time. 

-K

Entering the Lab

I just finished my first week of my internship at the Donald Danforth Plant Science Center in St. Louis, MO. Talk about science overload.

I'm super excited to have the opportunity to learn, study and research at the Danforth Center whose mission is "to improve the human condition through plant science." Since, well, that's my life goal. Eventually, I want to solve world hunger through scientific research and it is super exciting to be able to learn from scientists who are already doing just that. It's really an honor.

That being said, I've never been part of the research lab setting before. It's a completely new and intimidating environment. Slowly I've become more comfortable, but I haven't had enough time to truly settle into a routine and habit where I truly know what I'm doing. I'm still learning.... A LOT.

I'm working under a post doc member who is doing research with the oil seed crop, Camelina, that will eventually help create new biofuels. It's fascinating research, but it's a lot of biochemistry and genetics techniques that I have not yet been exposed to in my classes. Therefore, there's a lot to learn. My post doc is very helpful at explaining everything, but I feel like a science baby. However, I should dominate my lab courses next year :)

I know that I'm fully capable of the lab work, I just need practice. I'm trying to absorb everything the scientists around me say and do to learn as much as possible. It can seem daunting when everything they say is new.

The Danforth Center also took the group of summer interns to their annual Science Retreat. Basically, it's a bunch of scientists presenting their work. Oh, and some karaoke.

Being able to hear about plant research going on throughout the center and around the world (they brought in a scientists from the UK- science is so much more exciting with a british accent) was inspiring. I learned a lot about plants, science and how the scientific community works. It's a very dynamic, interwoven field and it excites me for my future.

However, hearing all the research made me a tad bit more nervous for graduate school. The thought that one day I will have to be responsible for designing and performing my own experiment and project is TERRIFYING. I think I can do it, I hope this summer will help me prepare.

Tomorrow I start my first 'normal week' in the lab. Let's hope that I will be able to remember everything, learn everything...oh and not mess anything up.

Hopefully I'll get better at this blogging thing so that I don't bombard you with one post about EVERYTHING.

For now, I'll curl up with my first batch of cookies (baking in a sparse kitchen is an adventure) and a good cup of tea. :)

-K

God of the Gaps

Our God is a beautiful creator. His artwork can be seen all round, from the strongest mountain to the most delicate flower.  His direction is present in the intricacies of the cell and the details of the stars. His creation leaves me full of wonder.

Being a Christian and a scientist, I have already been faced with the science v. God discussion. Though, I don’t understand why it has to be a ‘versus’ situation. Some Christians fear science as a threat to their understand of God the creator, the overseer, or to the very majesty of God. If we discover how everything works, where is God’s role in our lives? In our world? 

Many Christians look at everything that science does not understand and uses God to fill that gap. We understand this much, but don’t know why something else happens, so that must be God. God is the answer to the unanswered questions. God fills in the gaps.

[<--- SCIENCE --->|<-- GOD -->]

This “God of the Gaps” mentality is dangerous! Recently, I attended a departmental chapel through the Science and Mathematics department at my school and we watched a film where one of the scientists discussed the dangers of this thought process. It called me out, as I often had used that argument, and I thought it was a good one. I actually said that to my roommate the night before I saw this film. 

If we are constantly using God to fill in the gap, what happens when science finds the answer and the gap get’s smaller? God gets smaller. 

{<------ SCIENCE---->|<-GOD->]

While it is comforting to think that God is in control of what we do not understand, there may come a time that we begin to understand. If we are constantly basing our concept of God’s majesty on the unknowns of science, our God must be shrinking daily based on the speed of scientific discovery. For example, what if before Isaac Newton, Christians said “the reason why this apple fell on my head is because God makes it fall instead of floating away” and then Newton comes out with Gravity. These Christian’s view of God’s majesty and power based on the unknown of gravity just shrunk. No longer is God making things fall because there is now a scientific reason.

God cannot, and should not, be confined to a gap. By saying that God myst be divinely and unknowably in control of something, we are risking destroying God by discovering the true answer. Instead, God must be seen as interwoven throughout nature. He is majestic and mysterious, but he has also given us the minds and ability to discover his handiwork. If we use him to fill the gaps we are either limiting God or limiting ourselves and by limiting ourselves, limiting God again because we are his creation. 

As Christians, I encourage you to avoid using God to fill in your gaps. Though it is tempting to try to “win” the God v. Science discussion by saying that God is the driving force behind the scientific unknown, you are putting God on trial until science progresses and eventually makes that discovery. Then the scientists can come back and say, "where is your God now?"

I am not saying that God is not present throughout nature. I believe that the intricacies, interrelatedness and complexities of our world are support of the presence of a higher power, a Creator God.  I believe nature provides evidence which supports the theory of God (this could be a whole different post. . .) The reason I love science is because I have the opportunity to study God’s craftsmanship.  I don’t believe there is anything in nature which is unknowable, I don’t believe there are God-filled gaps. His creation is complete and I am here to discover it.

Starved For Science?

I'm reading this book:  Starved For Science: How Biotechnology is being kept out of Africa. Being that I am going to be be researching this summer in agricultural biotechnology at the Danforth Center for Plant Science, I was very interested to read it.

I've always grown up with this untraceable notion that biotechnology (Genetic Engineering, really) was bad. That it was going against God's creation, going to destroy the ecosystem and bring doom us all. Even in the first few pages of this book I have realized my opinion was naive, at least when it comes to agricultural biotechnology.

I didn't realize how many GMOs (Genetically Modified Organisms- what a scary phrase) are already being approved, grown and consumed by Americans. Yet, nothing has happened. In fact, there have been studies that have shown NO negative effects of GMOs on human health, and for as long as we've been consuming them, I trust theses studies.  For the people who are afraid it might destroy the ecosystem- it is even suggested that these GMOs may even help the environment by reducing the need for other toxic chemicals. To me- that's a good thing.

Now, I don't want to go on and on about all the things Paarlburg says in his book. I don't need to summarize it for anyone who actually reads this. But it is causing me to reflect. My speech final last year was a persuasive speech- and I gave it about genetic engineering. My argument? That it was going against God's creation, going to destroy the ecosystem and bring doom us all.  It was a pretty good speech, too. Boy, I'm starting to feel like a hypocrite. I realize now that I was mislead, under informed and accepted the majorities viewpoint.

This was the viewpoint of most Americans and Eurpeans. We're all scared of GMOs. Starved For Science has shown me that it is this uninformed fear has been keeping biotechnology and agricultural science, and therefore agricultural improvement, OUT of Africa- the place that needs it most. These technologies (not only biotechnology, but mechanical as well) helped America and Europe reach their agricultural stability. Now that we are stable, we see no benefit for GMOs, so why take the risk? (Even if there hasn't been one proven yet...) We are no longer struggling to put food on our tables, in fact, we probably have too much. Therefore, as a society, we have decided to protest genetically modified agriculture because we no longer need or notice the improvement these technologies can bring. Okay, we can be picky, we're well off enough. If we want to choose the organic pasta over the umpteen other types of pasta we are able to purchase, that's fine.  If we choose to buy the non-GMO corn over the GMO corn- more power to you!

Not the struggling farmer in Africa. The poor family who have to battle against drought and disease every year just to feed their family, let alone make a profit from it. We have the technologies to help their farms, but our fears have been cast upon these people. We decided that agricultural biotechnology was dangerous and scary, convinced the leaders of African countries of the same and have therefore barred the application of biotechnology in Africa. One leader even rejected corn aid from America because it was a GMO. African farmers do not have the access to the technologies that helped America and Europe develop to the agricultural stability they have now. Essentially, they are stuck.

I've probably lost a lot of readers, and I'm only part way through Chapter 2. This book is rocking my world, showing me that I need to reconsider by opinions and become more informed. About any opinion that I hold. I urge you to do the same. The world is a big place, and I never thought that a speech I did my freshman year of college could have an impact on the fields in Africa. Jeepers.

I'm entering myself into the blogosphere. I'm hoping that this will allow me to think about life more as I process everything through words.

As someone who loves to cook- this will be my outlet to save and gather what I learn in my kitchen.

As a student- this will be where I nerdily share the science tidbits I find interesting.

As a Christian- this will be where I process my growth in Christ. 

As a dreamer- this will be where I document my journey pursuing a solution to world hunger and towards a better world.

Let's see what happens.